I used to watch movies and TV shows for the romance you know the swooning moments, the meet-cute, the grand over-the-top gestures, the kind of love that felt larger than life. For a long time I thought that was what I wanted. What I needed. What I was supposed to dream about.

But somewhere along the way as I grew older that changed. Now when I watch something I realise it’s not the love story that I crave. It’s the friendships. The connection. The people who feel like family and not because you share the same blood but because they choose you and are there for you. I didn’t even feel the shift happening until one day I realised that a simple scene of friends sitting together made my chest ache.

There’s something painful about the way those friendships on screen exist in a universe that feels so far from our reality. As a society we became so distant that genuine friendships the ones that aren’t filtered through social media or that are there just for show have become so rare to us. We no longer connect to the people around us but rather become observers in their lives by scrolling through their posts and milestones, pressing the heart button like it means more than a like while struggling to keep in touch and show up in real life. Don’t get me wrong social media has its positives but it also has its negatives.

Nobody told us how easily adult friendships fall through our fingers. How there’s a day where everyone is busy, overwhelmed, tired and seeing your friends becomes a meeting you have to schedule. Adulthood is full of unanswered texts, calls, plans that never happen and connections that fade out without a fight or a reason. I used to be the person who always messaged first, never forgetting birthdays, trying to make plans to meet, trying to keep in touch but as soon as I stopped messaging first those messages stopped altogether. I started overthinking, not wanting to be too much, not wanting to disturb them or to annoy them so I kept it all to myself. There are days when I open my phone and realise I have no idea who I would call if I really needed someone not for an emergency but just comfort without feeling like a burden.

No one taught us how to keep and maintain friendships as adults but we were taught how to chase goals, careers and deadlines. Honestly it’s not our fault we change and we become different versions of ourselves but maybe it is our fault that we let society separate us from what really matters.

Watching movies and TV shows for me is most of the time bittersweet now. Seeing a group of friends on screen noticing when someone’s off, checking in, showing up unasked  and spending time together without a plan or purpose just feels like watching a world we no longer live in. I often find myself craving the small things like ‘I’m a phone call away’, the ‘You seemed off so I’m checking in’, the non judgement, the joy of doing nothing together but still having the best time.

It never was about the big moments. It was always about the presence and the care. The knowing that someone will be there for you through all the quiet, sad, happy , awkward and messy parts of your life not because you asked but because they wanted to.

Maybe this is what I’m meant to be learning at the moment that sometimes the love we actually need and crave isn’t romantic. It’s platonic. It’s the love of people who choose to be there for us and who make life feel fuller simply by being in it. Maybe I haven’t experienced romantic heartbreak but I do know how friendship heartbreak feels and to me that is one of the hardest heartbreaks. It’s the kind that reminds you of what used to be, its the kind that lingers in the small moments, the kind you don’t always talk about, the kind that makes you miss people who are still alive but no longer present in your life.

I want to believe that these friendships are rare but they’re not impossible. I want to believe that there are people who still choose each other, who show up, who are there for one another, the real kind.

So I’ll keep watching, dreaming, hoping and craving those friendships I see in movies and TV shows and maybe just maybe I will be lucky enough to experience it on my own one day. Maybe one day the friendships I watch on screen won’t feel like another universe but like my life.

And until then, I think it’s okay to crave platonic love more than romance.